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TW: Gender Dysphoria, Big Topics on Gender, Usage of the Term Queer

Hi hi!!

My, this is my second blog post, and it's gonna be a slightly spicy topic!

Not everyone will agree with me, and that's okay! I'm just chucking my thougths into the wind and maybe someone out there will feel seen (and heard?) as well!

I, personally, hate the term "passing"! It makes my skin crawl whenever someone congratulates on other's ability to "pass" as their desired gender.

For those who don't know, some trans people use the term "to pass" when they want to look like the societal expectations of their gender. So when they're "passing", that means less frequency of being misgendered.

It's a complicated feeling. On one hand, shouldn't I be proud of them too? They're trying to hard to be their happiest self!

But, I think it's because the root of the issue stems from reinforcing gender norms and roles.

Ex: Women should be petite, cute, feminine! Spinny skirts, makeup, pretty!

Ex: Men should be big and masculine! Rough, gruff! Protective and willing to fight for the pack! Go team!

Don't get me wrong, it's perfectly okay to be a woman and like all the above things! I suppose I"m more so critiqueing society's standards of how we objectify the human experience.

Women can be masculine, with deep voices and broad shoulders. Women can have adam's apples and big hands. Women can have facial hair.

Men can be feminine with high pitch voices and tiny frames. They can be hairless and cute.

Humans are so complex and to force them into small, easy to read containers, is simply not doing us justice.

I guess the reason why I'm so critical of the term "passing" is because... well, I don't pass! And never will! Not by choice, but because of society's expectations.

I don't even "pass" in queer spaces!

The amount of times I've been regarded as cishet is, I would say, 95% of the time.

I'm agender and go by they/them pronouns. However, I prefer to be hyperfemme. I love having massive bagongas and a dumpy. But I'm not a woman. Never will be a woman. If we were to put where I "act" on the gender axis, it's more masculine.

But for some reason, many people will see a hyperfemme person and immediately start woman-calling them.

For the cishets, It's expected. They're learning to be more accepting of folks beyond the binary.But for us queers? Idk, I expect better.

We shouldn't assume gender just by how someone presents. Ideally, we should get to know how the person wants to be viewed, then act accordingly.

But I feel like that statement will upset a lot of people. But what other option is there? We live in a world with so many complexities and quirks. It'd be a shame to assume without knowing the bigger picture.

I feel like asking pronouns and gender is an alright social thing we should keep up, instead of accidentally misgendering someone off the get go.

But I feel like a lot of trans people don't mind misgendering others, as long as it's not themselves.

I suppose that is a conundrum, isn't it? Being nonbinary, a lot of us don't really fit into neat little gender boxes.

People usually have the conception that nonbinary is Woman-Light or Androgynous.

Just like any of the other genders, we're also full of complexities and weirdness.

We can be big and masculine, or tiny and feminine. We can be androgynous, or a mix of masc and femme!

And I guess that means I'll never "pass."